There are few things that can inspire thoughts of vengeance and retribution in otherwise well-mannered people more than the dreaded telemarketer. Who hasn’t at least occasionally imagined ways of giving them their comeuppance? Well, we sure have, and we’re going to share some with you. The following are 10 tricks to play on telemarketers:

  1. Air horn – Crude, but effective. Use this technique only when you are sure that you are dealing with an actual telemarketer. Recognize that number on caller ID? Reach for your horn, place it near the phone’s mic, and let’ er rip.
  2. Kill time – They’re taking up your valuable time, so why not turn the tables. Play along with their sales pitch for a while, then tell them to kiss off.
  3. The Seinfeld Maneuver – Speaking of turning the tables, this technique is another fun way to get your message across in language they can understand.
  4. TMI – When they ask for personal information, or even how you’re doing today, tell them. Every minute detail of your life. Tell them about your recent surgery, your cat’s allergies, your kid’s grades at school. You’re sure to make friends in no time.
  5. All Business – Make them think they’ve reached a business number, and answer with a receptionist’s greeting.
  6. Say What? - Pretend you are hard of hearing, and ask them to speak loudly – very loudly.
  7. Push His Buttons – Press buttons on your keypad at varying intervals, and don’t acknowledge anything if he asks what those sounds are.
  8. Que? – Speak in another language. If you aren’t fluent in one, make one up.
  9. Hold, Please. – Ask them to please hold while you tend to something else (kids, dinner in the oven), then leave the phone, still connected, and go back to whatever you were doing.
  10. Zap Them – A high-tech alternative is to employ one of these gadgets. You won’t even need to answer the phone, plus your number will be removed from the telemarketer’s calling list.

Post to Twitter Tweet This Post to Yahoo Buzz Buzz This Post to Delicious Delicious Post to Facebook Facebook Post to StumbleUpon Stumble This

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.